never abandon a friend

proverbs 27:10

Today, when just about everything in my life was going smoothly, something stuffed up. The person controlling the atmosphere pressed a button and a nuclear bomb took off. And it was my fault for texting; I should never have done that. I just get so stressed when there's fights because at my old school there was hardly any, and they were only small and silly. It's amazing to think that after all this while, i still haven't had one fight with my old school friends.

I'm not perfect either, and i think we all know that. But all good things come to an end, and before things get pretty they get ugly. Blah blah. I think in my last fights, God really helped me to pull through, and I hope He does know.

I'm not saying its all you, because it's not. You were ignoring me today, but I kind of understood that because I know about Tessa and Zanna, and I was hanging out with Zanna, but I figured that we could resolve this. I know honestly that it will sound bad but I am so hurt every time I see you and Tessa, not because I dislike Tessa but because I used to be that person.

I wasn't taking sides. I read all the Polyvore and listened to Michelle and I know she feels insanly guilty and sorry, and I do think that it was a bit weird for tessa to say they didn't have much to talk about. I try to talk to you guys, but no-one told me what was going on so I didn't have a clue!

I don't want to loose friends over this, and I'm not going into details or getting into sides, but i just want to say this:

The only true friends I've ever had in my lives, the ones who stood by me forever, i had to abandon because my dad decided to pull us out of that situation. I tried to find new friends, but maybe i just don't attract the right people, because every friendship failed. One of them went off and made new friends and texted about me behind my back and became little miss popular, the next completely ran away from me and abandoned me at the time i needed it most; school, because i was going to her school and she was excited, until she found out how much i had changed.

Friends don't stay forever, and its something that life doesn't teach you. You have to work hard, to keep friendships alive. Sometimes people just don't click, and that's ok. I went most of my high school life without friends, until someone came along.

Now, it seems stupid but isn't it easy to forgive and learn to walk past everything, to become friends again? It's not. It comes with pain and sadness, a sadness that no-one knows about, that cakes in your body and comes out in little gasps until it all bursts out. Pain like knowing your best friend made a new best friend and chooses boys over you, pain that you keep forgiving and forgetting to find another knife in your back, pain that they laugh and tease you and say its all a joke, but deep down it hurts?

I think I've moved past all that, because its happened to me too much. Right around me, all my friends are changing. Getting boyfriends, putting other things in front of them, and i so desperately want to be back at that old environment; the one where it was caring and loving and everyone knew everyone and there was no swearing or make-up.

I don't know exactly what I did wrong, I know that i stood by a friend but is that wrong, because you stood by Tessa as well, and I know Tessa's going through hard stuff but so are all of us, deep down. I'm sorry, for whatever I did, I'm sorry for being annoying and stupid and embarrassing, but most of all I'm sorry that you could let something as silly as this come between you. I don't mean to sound petty, but I never would have thought this would happen, and I am sorry because I did stuff up. And I'm not going to beg on my knees, because I did that before and it doesn't make a difference, I'm not in the wrong here, I'm just caught in the middle. I'm sorry for Tessa; she'll be in my prayers.

I just want to not be hurt anymore, for my friends to not hurt anymore, to be able to not have any drama. It's an impossible wish.

you can learn lots from metal work..

Yes, yes you can.

I learnt a few things today in metal work; that the grime and mess -that comes with bending an annoying piece of metal that is not bending and is causing your fingers to ache more than that time you jammed them in a shower door- is not easily removed. I found this after Kate 'accidently' smudged some brown sludge on my white shirt.

Very funny Kate, but at the same time, I had a hacksaw in my hand and was ready to slice your fresh skin open and consume your slippery organs-

I also learnt that our teacher is a bald old man who doesn't care about life. Yeah, suck that up Mr I Don't Care About My Student's Bladder Needs And Yell At Her Because She Wanted To Go Pee.

I also learnt that I'm completely annoyed about the whole *sigh* tessa and logan issue, I mean I understand she likes him but do we honestly have to care about boys??!!

This arvo I bought three mags; two Yens and one Frankie.
In one of the Yen, i was a lucky girl. A very lucky girl. there was a free totally awesome Laneway Festival CD in there, yes a CD!!!!! It contained a bunch of awesome tracks which i have been belting out since a few hours ago:

Roll Away Your Stone: by mumford and sons

No Turning Back: by sarah blasko

All The Kings Men: by wild beasts

Short Fuse: by black lips

Bright White Lights: by whitley

Turn Cold: by cut off your hands

The Night is Young at Heart: by dappled cities

Which Way to Go: by eddy current suppression ring

Christmas Worm's Quest for Fresh Apples: by danimals

Down to the Cemetery: by kid sam

sarah blasko;

camp :)

So I haven't been blogging for a while, just a quick update on lifee;

So on the weekend i went camping-and i'm talking about a totally awesome youth camp that was amazing in every aspect. we arrived at the campsite at around 9;00 in the night, which was a bit late. The car trip up was extremely fun and consisted of me asking the boys all these annoying questions and them being extremely annoyed, but mystified, by me. I was eventually accepted into their 'homie H' group. :)

When we got there, we clambered out of the car and i had a reunion with Tidi, Jordan, Kate and Tilly. Sim was in the car with me. We jumped up and down and tidi, kate, tilly and i were sharing a little caravan, which was tidi's. So we loaded our luggage into it and sorted out the beds. I bought a massive red suitcase, loaded with clothes which i didn't even wear, a green bag with lollies and books, a beach bag with swimmers and stuff and a massive bag that contained sheets and a pillow and an air bed which i didn't even know i had until the second night!

It was arranged so Tidi and i slept on the queen bed, kate slept on the double and Tilly slept on the single. we went to the bathroom, which was a long walk away and pretty scary in the night-time, considering we had to walk through bushes and crumbly gravel roads. On the way up there, (it was kate, tidi me and tilly) a bunch of drunk guys, crouched over a campfire, called out, "Hey bitches, what's up girls?" it was a really terrifying experience and we sprinted up to the bathrooms, we were still shaking!

The boys stayed in our caravan for a while, and we had a meeting with the youth around the campfire, and everything was good. In the morning we awoke to Jordan's annoying laugh and simi banging on our tent, so we got up and trailed around the campfire. Bacon and eggs were for breakkie, so we scooped up our tucker and ate with spirited conversations.

After breakfast, we went to our caravan to get changed into our swimmers. We met with the older boys on the way and chatted, and i picked up the annoying habit of saying 'awesome' in a high pitched voice:
'I'm awesome, this is awesome, we're awesome, because it's...awesome!'

Kate gave us the idea of using coloured zinc to draw on our faces and colour our lips, so we went out like that and made a style statement (:
After devotions and a few chats here and there, we were off to the beach! The beach is hard to explain, because of how awesome it was, just try to picture this: there was a narrow, shrubbery trail that led out towards a sandy, sheltered with trees area. You couldn't see the water but you could smell the salt so you knew you were there. There were trees dotted everywhere, and as you walked along, the trees dispersed and suddenly you saw these mounds of sandhills and this really dense forest, and between the hills and grass you could see the water. The crystal blue water stretched on forever, the waves were reasonable and the sand was white. There was a little mini rain forest opposite the water, which we founded as 'our spot.' The only other people on the beach were these group of gay guys, which was pretty funny.

The water was freezing, but, unlike other beaches, it was quite deep close to the shore, so a few metres in and i was already up to my shoulders. There was no big frothy white waves, it was a calm private beach and really serene. I went out pretty far because the waves just sort of gently tossed you about. it was beautiful.

there was this MASSIVE rock face next to the beach, about 100 or so metres high. There was a strip of shallow water separating it from the beach and the rocks, and Ben, Sim, Tidi, Kate, Tilly and i ploughed over and climbed it. Kate, ben and i only climbed about three metres and rested on the cool rocks, gazing over the beach. However, the rest of the daredevils climbed all the way to the top, where there was a green paddock.

We stayed at the beach for ages, until lunch, and then we trooped back. Lunch was hot dogs and they were delicious, i sat on Tidi's lap the whole time. After lunch i think we just chilled around, talked to the boys and rested. Tidi read for a bit, but mostly we just hung out. At around 4;30 it was announced that we were all heading over to the beach to play a game! The game was awesome, you were separated into two teams and you hid a treasure somewhere along the sandunes or in the bushes, which were low shrubs. Then you had to sneak about and try to find the other team's treasure without getting tipped. The sandunes/hills/bush/forest was massive, so i crawled about, hid under trees and pressed myself against the hills. It was fun, at times i just gave up and lie on the sand, basking in the warm sun and playing with soft ferns.

After this, we jumped into the beach, which was even more freezing than last time because it was beginning to get dark, but still just as fun. We didn't bother to put sunscreen on because the sun was setting, and at this James called out, "Haven't you guys heard of moon tanning?" which cracked us up.

Dinner was delicious potatoes in jackets and lamb roast, and banana boats for dessert. After dinner, we trailed down to the showers, which were pretty gross, but ok. We spent the rest of the night lazing in the tent, cracking up at jordan's stupidity and just being awesome.

The next morning was the same routine: breakfast (pancakes) chill out, then one last beach stop. When we got back from the beach, there were these people having a birthday party and dressed up like animals, and they were really funny. We had a shower, talked, had some breadsticks for lunch, packed up and were out of there.

It was long, and if you didnt bother to read it thats ok, there was so much more but i couldn't include it because it would have taken 20 pages!